Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
