Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
