Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
