This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
