sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
