you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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