The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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