you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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