I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
