Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
