im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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