just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
