Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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