I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
