The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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