Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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