tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
time to smoke my breakfast
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
