i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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