Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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