Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
