I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
