so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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