How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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