My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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