Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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