Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
