Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
