The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
