Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
being pregnant is like rehab
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
