It's Friday. Sex?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
