Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
