Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
