ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
