oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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