69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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