gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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