i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
