to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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