seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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