I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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