hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
