oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
