Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
