just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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