Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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