ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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