Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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