Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
