I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
