Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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