I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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