she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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