if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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