What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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