It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize