My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
