Moan for me like Helen Keller
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize