oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
