how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
