Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am naked and annoyed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
