He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
