So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
