Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
