My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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