i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
