Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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