just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
