Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
