he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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