i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drunk is not a location!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
