this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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