I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
