Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
