don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
