Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
