You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
