He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
