White coat. Heels.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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