On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
