we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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