now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
