Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
